lets talk about the ways that having a laptop has changed my life. i can now watch hulu and tvshack whilst looking straight ahead rather than the hard right my neck has to strain otherwise. pre-laptop, if i wanted to recline whilst viewing my favorite shows i had to physically suffer. so, thats a plus, super comfort. another plus is that it is awesome. i feel somehow smarter, more powerful, my hair is shinier, teeth whiter, and i can see in the dark. but seriously, i am just happy to be on the internet whilst reclining to be honest. relaxing is important. i spend a third of my life sleeping, a third working, and the last third i spend on the internet looking at celebrity gossip. i would like to dedicate a little song to robin for making all of this happen:



plus she bought me lunch. it was pretty much a winner of a day for me.

in other news....well, there is no other news. i watch internet tv, work, sleep, eat nachos, and fuss at jt. nothing really exciting. in retail news, a lady wanted to try on several pairs of the same pantiestoday and was shocked that we don't allow it. number one, its the same cut and fabic, why ask if you can "try all of these on"? they are all alike! number two, trying on underwear is weird and i am surprised it can happen any where. she said she would just have to take her business to victorias secret. i then put 2 and 2 together and vowed to not shop there, because chances are that someone's lady business has been all over everything in the store. am i wrong? how do they do it? if you decide you don't want it after they try it on you just damage it and throw it out? do they have a spray like the kind they put into bowling shoes? do they send it to rugged wearhouse where i buy it for $1.99? who knows?

i have to watch some tv.

do you really think she'll pull through?

yeash. denny's can suck it! why in the hell did we go there? we decided to wait till almost 10 to have dinner for some stupid reason and since asheville decided to die a quiet little death yesterday it seemed like a late-night breakfast was pretty much it. the thought of cooking something made me angry. waffle house seemed too.....i dont know, fast? buttery? smoke-filled? country-fried? it was not ringing my dinner bell. ihop is just generally stupid and always makes me think of old church people. denny's seemed okay because i guess i have blocked out any bad experiences i have had there. as soon as we got our menu i was like "oh yeah, this place sucks and i want to get out". i got a crappy egg and meat sandwich on some sort of maple bread. i tried to eat more than 2 bites but my "them's not good berries! them's poison!" caveman instinct kicked in and i could not eat another tiny nibble of it. we also made the mistake of getting pancake puppies. what in the hell were we thinking? they are balls of pancake, fried, and dredged in sugar and syrup! good choice guys. jt got a burrito that the shitty band "hoobastank" either dreamed up themselves or the denny's people were so inspired by their work that they named a chicken and onion ring burrito after them. it came with a cup of what i can only imagine is cheez whiz. as usual, we had to crown a winner of dinner. whoever got the best entree is obviously the winner. we decided jt won, even though we clearly both lost. it was even more obvious who the losers were when we woke up with the sicks. i hate having only one bathroom, lets just say that. as soon as i felt safe to stand up i went to the store and got some crackers. i ate a whole sleeve before i read that there are 70 calories in every 4 crackers. hells bells. i cant win for losing.

long time no post, eh?? nothing post worthy has happened in the past little bit. i pretty much sit around in my own mind thinking "man.....i wish i could sit around and watch seasons 1-4 of the real world......anything from that era of mtv would sit well with me right now." i also think a lot about an article i read about eating pulverized white beans instead of mashed potatoes. i think about it at least twice a day along with a "what?!?! who would be satisfied by ground up beans as a substitute for mashed potatoes???". its strange how stupid things stick with you like that.

i have been super irritable for the past....oh, i dont know 4 months, and it is starting to drive me insane. i know that i am being a super mega bitch. i yelled at jt for being the the bathroom when i had to go. i flip out over the squeeky computer chair on a regular basis. smoke comes out of my ears when i hear a game of solitaire. jt plays solitaire the way i would imagine rainman would play it. its pretty impressive but not so much when my bitch switch is activated. so....that is whats going on in my life.

on a lighter note 'mamacitas' nachos have been replaced in my heart by 'papas and beer' chicken nachos. they are cheaper and so so tasty. i have a sneaking suspicion that eating at mamacitas 3 times a week was not helping my weight situation either. anyways, i could eat at papas and beer 3 times a week and not bat an eye but now that i know that one serving of anything is all of the calories i can have in a day, i am not having it as much as i would like. i have been doing really well without sodas lately and the only time i really slip is when cheerwine is offered as a fountain drink. it is more common around here than you would think but the most i have had is maybe one soda a week.

The Dead Weather - Treat Me Like Your Mother


dang, this video is so great. i want to take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant. i still love me some 30 rock.

James Franco's Rejected UCLA Commencement Speech from James Franco

so, i have been trying to work out a little more regularly lately and i find that i can only work out when i listen to loud music. i am ashamed to say that the soundtrack that really gets me going is my pop station on pandora. nsync, miss spears, christina.....etc. it is like the guys that like to get their testicles stomped on for pleasure. i hate myself.

i always give chelsie hell for posting lyrics and quotes but sometimes it works. i am not one with words so its okay to let someone else say what you are feeling in your life even though what they meant is something totally different than what you are using it for. anyway. i was listening to this song earlier and it really hit a nerve:




It'll happen
It's gonna happen babe
But it hasn't happened yet
I'm not gonna let you get
ahead of yourself
It's your Achilles heel
Though I want it as bad as you
We've gotta try to see it through
Our own excitement
Your excitement babe
Hasn't let that happen yet
and it won't if you forget
What happened last time

i am trying not to get my hopes up but i may have the day off tomorrow! i am "on call" from 2-6 but 9 times out of 10 nothing happens so i am hoping they are not busy. and yes, i said on call. so stupid. it was busy as 40 hells today and i picked up a few more pet peeves. i now know that i would rather someone throw the clothes on the floor after they try them on than to put them back on the hanger inside out. i also hate it that someone came in and put 2 hours worth of shopping on hold and even though we have a pretty strict "hold only till closing" policy, we waited because it was a crapload. finally today i put everything back and she called and the conversation ended with "well, just try to remember what you can, put them aside and i will be in later on". no jokes.

oh man. i got called out on my flip flop wearing and i have to start wearing "real" shoes. so, yesterday i pick up a cheap pair after getting off of work at starbucks and go on my merry way. i had 3 hours before i had to be at the other place and i thought it would be better to nap than to wash a load of clothes. long story short i dug my black dress out of the dirty clothes and hung it over the elliptical to air out during my blissful sleep. i woke up late and instead of showering i just slathered on some smelly lotion. including my feet. i walk out to the car and immediately feel like shit is about to go down because my greased up feet are sliding all over the place and i look like the personification of a broken ankle. i got to the car without falling or my dress flying up like it usually does but as soon as i opened the door i basically fell into the seat. i then had to drive barefoot because sweaty lotiony feet in weird high shoes plus manually driving don't mix well. so i got there and i am sure the way i was walking looked like i was super high and just trying to make the world stop spinning. arms out like i was walking a wire and staring at the floor. picture it. its funny. fast forward a couple of hours and imagine i am straightening a rack of clothes that i have already straightened 6 times before but these bitches keep messing up my area. i take one step to the side and all of a sudden i am thinking "i am falling over.....hey, this is really not that bad. the saying is right: the fear of falling is much worse than the actual fall". and i am serious. that is what i was thinking as i was flat out falling on my ass, dress flying up, still trying to straighted those high waisted pleated jeans before i completely hit the ground. as i lay there i am just glad that no one was around to see. the one time that no one is pawing through the $9.99 pants. phew. i got up and told the girls "i am going on break, i have to go find some cheap flip flops". the ending of this story is that there is no such thing as cheap flip flops up in that mall. and it took me twice the time to walk around, as i was hugging the wall and scooting the way kids (and myself) scoot around the edge of the pool. i am only half joking about that one.

when i got back, a girl i work with was taking to a super feminine guy about the brittney spears song "if you seek amy". before i worked here i didn't know much about popular music and even this song is pretty old i am guessing. apparently we play it now and it is her "jam". when it comes on she freaks out. so as she was folding the clothes he was buying "for his girlfriend", yeah right, i asked what the big whoop was about that song. here is the conversation:

me: i don't get it, why is it censored? is it a drug reference

guy that looks like a thai prostitute: if you seek amy. get it? if. you. seek. amy. hear it?

me: what? who is amy? is it her alter ego?

guy: if you seek amy. spell it out.

me: i-f y-o-u....

at this point the girl i work with was just as perplexed as i was. she didnt know what it was, she was just afraid to ask, i later learned.

guy: NO! F-U-C-K me! if you see k me f-u-c-k me! (he says it 3 more times). at this point i notice that people are looking and i just excuse myself because i realized that i just spent more than a few minutes dissecting a britney spears song. not that when "unusual you" comes on in the store i secretly like it.

i just got back from picking up "dinner". i wanted to go to starbucks and get a free drink and a kind bar but that place was packed. i said fuck it, i am getting some ice cream. i went to mcdonalds and got a tiny vanilla cone and didn't pause to think how i would drive home. i channeled robin, as she once ate a cup of ice cream with a spoon while still manually driving. i made it home and enjoyed the last bite before i even made it to the door. ugh.

i find that when i am super tired, i use the word "dude" a lot. i am just super tired.....dude. working many many hours is not doin me right. usually i sleep somewhere around 10 hours a night. now i am getting a more normal amount most of the week and maybe a 3 nights of 6 hours. granted, i am sleeping better and it is not difficult to just conk the hell out right away. i love not tossing and turning for hours. feels good. i also love not feeling guilty for wasting daylight. not that i am using said daylight hours. i am in a mall where the only window is a skylight that i only see when i have to hang up the purple and green plaid crops in the front of the store. the ladies love those. apparently the target demographic for this store only wear cropped pants and glitter shirts. ha, actually a woman came in today and said "y'all still carry 'em sexy shorts? i love me some shorty short shorts". i wish i were joking.

ugh. i have a story about going to the mall starbucks. i feel like every time i go to get myself a little drinky drink it is never the way i want it, could make myself, or get from someone i know personally or at my own store(s). not even taking into consideration that i would not have to pay for it if it were in said familiar situations. so. every time i have gotten a drink in the mall, some shit has gone wrong. the first time i went they didn't give me my discount but insisted that they did even though i had the receipt and no such discount went down. it made me super irritated but since i am a passive shrinking violet, i let it go because the guy was being a real 'see you next tuesday'. the next time i went i wanted a regular coffee and i saw the girl give me decaf. i can read. i saw you give me decaf with my own eyes. i have maybe done this 2 times in my entire life. one time because a woman was on her cell phone and gave me a stern "hold on!" finger. not cool. decaf for you, and have a nice life. the next time i wanted a hot fatty fat kid. angie, you know what i am talking about. yum yum. so, the lady makes it and it starts flowing like mad out of the drink spout. she proceeds to roughly wipe it off with a brown, filthy, sopping wet bar cloth. i just looked at her, looked at the cup, looked at her, looked at the cup....and so on. of course i then smiled and thanked her and skipped out of the store. moving on to today. i am just going to post the conversation.

me: heeeey. tall whole milk mocha

him: alrighty, tall caramel mocha!

me: nope, not caramel, whole milk

him: ohhhh! whole milk, got it..........paper cup okay?

me: errrrr. yes? ( i should have seen something coming right about here.)

so. i am waiting for my drinks (i got something for a co-worker as well) and the barista says "hey we made this latte by mistake, would you like it as well? which is common to give away mistakes so you don't waste or whatever. i said suuuuuure. so i have 3 drinks and a bottle of water. they are all fixed up in a tray and i head on down the road. i get to the store and when i pick up my mocha i notice it is super cold. i read the side of the cup and see that it is just a hot cup filled with cold whole milk....

cold whole milk. that's it! i seriously got tears in my eyes. for 2 reasons really. i wanted that flippin drink and the 2nd reason being that i was shocked that the guy was so stupid. rant over.

after a rough day ringing up fuchsia glitter shirts and semi-precious genuine Navajo turquoise rings i came home and took a nap whilst enjoying some "scrubs". then i went to starbucks and made drinks correctly and didn't act like a complete idiot. some of the highlights were when an early 20-something guy asked what a distinguished middle aged man would drink because thats what he wanted to have. denise hooked him up with a white mocha and convinced him that it was exactly what a man of power would have. later we laughed at him for drinking what is really a young woman's beverage of choice. or actually everyone in the south. okay, it transcends all ages and sexes but it was definitely not what he was looking for. it was what he really wanted in his heart though. he drank it with pride, i tell you that! another high point was.....okay, leaving for the night was about it. i just want to be home, watchin scrubs, eatin nachos, rantin on my blowg. feels good.....dude.

so. i am back on the sugar in a bad way. all it took was one bad day. actually it has been a pretty nasty few weeks for charles but i felt momentarily good biting into that chocolate bar after not having sweets for however long. today at work i ate a chocolate chip cookie and a banana chocolate vivvano. a couple of hours ago i went back to work and had a grande mocha. i never ever get grande. it was just that kind of afternoon.

what eeeeeelse-----i ate at the noodle shop for the first time yesterday and it was pretty freakin good. our waiter was kooky mckook kook madooks. i caught him busting out some karate moves in the air whilst putting in orders. no one was around or paying attention to him at all so it had to be completely random. he also got our orders completely messed up and 4 extra plates of food almost came out before someone in the kitchen caught it and questioned it. when he took our plates to the back to box them up for us he came back with totally random tupperwares of food that were most definitely not ours. how could you mess that one up? take it back there, box it up, send it back out to the same person. no way could i take back some tofu cubes from someone and then hand them some chicken fried rice. it was not that busy dude. i forgave him because he looked like he could be brian van h's twin. or distant cousin. at any rate, the food was good.

i am going to walk around and take some pictures tomorrow with the ol' manual. i found 4 rolls of film in the closet. i figure it will give me something to do other than bitching around the apartment and dramatically wailing "woe is meeeeeee". this of course depends on if i can stay awake. i open tomorrow and i am still awake with no signs of being tired.

post #200!

so, yesterday was day 11 of "no sugar for 45 days". after dinner i was feeling super sweet toothified so i had a vanilla cone from sonic. i don't feel awful about it because it is 180 something calories. no big whoop. i thought i would feel defeated and just give it up but i felt satisfied and i didn't even think about having a treat today. i wanted to start working out again today but i worked all day and when i got home earlier i started cleaning so i don't feel like it. plus it is hot as hell in here. the night is still young so who knows.

hey, i have another shopping tip. i think i should change it to "tips for being in public". so here's a tip for going out to a public place: DON'T BE STUPID. if you are an idiot, go ahead and stay home and maybe shop online because i can't deal with your dumb ass. seriously, i am really worried about some of these people that are absolutely oblivious to anything or anyone around them. there are no words.

in other news....actually i have no other news because i have no life.

day 8, i think, of no sugar. things are okay. i got a pretty crazy craving earlier on the way back from barnes and noble but other than that it has gotten a lot better. i am drinking a lot more water, as it is all i can really have. i got some coconut water a few days ago. i hear about that stuff constantly and when i saw justin timberlake with it on snl i was like, "man, i gots'ta get me some-a that!". so i did and it tasted just like coconut water. i am not sure what flavor explosion i was expecting but it was it was. i have some passion fruit infused coconut water just waiting for me to throw it away in the fridge but i am saving it for a special occasion.

lets talk about the second job for a second (ha, second second). there are some pros and cons. i am happy that i can fold a pair of pants correctly. i thought there was a wrong way and a right way and was always to lazy to do it the right way. i now know that what i thought was "right" was also wrong. another pro...well, thats the only good thing i can think of right now. what i want to talk about is the music i have to listen to the whole shift. i was thinking about how i am really out of the loop with pop music and i was okay with it. i read celebrity gossip for some reason and half the time i have no idea who these people are. now i hear it all constantly. i hear lady gaga and katy perry all freaking day! ! ! it makes me insane. all of the songs have the power to get stuck in your head and make me want to puncture my eardrums....i say this as i am youtubing them so i can hear them while i am outside of work. i actually went out of my way to hear some of this crap. and it is alllll CRAP. i cant get over it. i am super irritated right now.

you're outta luck....pal

day 4, no sugar, things are shitty but no as much so as the first 3 days. i suspect i am not as cranky because i have eaten nachos at least 3 times this week. nothing better than nachos. i slipped up earlier today and had a piece of grape gum. ugh, i honestly could have sucked down a river so i needed to activate the ol saliva or else i was going to spit out a mattress. hence, sugar eating.

moving on. here's another retail tip for you. i think we are on #3.

---don't be an a-hole if someone is already going out of their way to help you. seriously what happened:

beast lady: i don't have my card, you will have to look it up.
me: sure, i just need your social, full address, etc etc.

i asked her to write it down so i would not have to keep asking her when i was talking to the guy (or lady...but i was a dude in all reality. his name was marcus and boy did he sound like a marcus) on the phone. she wrote down some stuff and it looked like a 10 year old boy wrote it. you know how 10 year old boys write. it is the WORST handwriting EVER. no jokes here. anyway, on with the actual conversation.

beast: UGH. SHEW! SIIIIIGGGHHHHHH.

at this point i am just smiling that smile that says "hey, it looks like i am smiling to be nice but i am really being super passive aggressive and i want you to know i am a better person than you because you are a super mega beast". i am also calling to get her account number, as all of this smiling is going on. she reaches over and rips up the paper with her info on it before i am finished with marcus.

me: excuse me ma'am, what is your zip code?

beast: SHEW! i told you a million times! it was written on the paper to boot! shew! 23456*! there! shew!

she looks at the lady behind her and throws her hands in the air as if to say "do you believe this? the trouble i am going through??"

so i get her account number, ring up her stuff, shove it in a bag, wished her the best of days and hoped that i never saw her again. but i am sure i will. i am just saying, if you need someone to do something for you, don't be a jerk. its not my fault you forgot your card. its not my fault you lost your coupons. i am not the one that lost it and i am certainly not the one that can somehow magically "look your coupon up". that option does not exist. yeah, i am super cranky today, so what?

on a lighter note, i got my coffee for free at the mall starbucks. mighty nice of them.

hey! no work at the "other job"!

i am going to walk to starbucks and get a regular coffee...with cream. hey, it counts as an actual food-like product. no corn, no sugar, etc.

i have to agree with robin, if i dont have a sweet after a meal, it feels almost like it is not complete. the treat says "hey, we have reached the end of the meal, go watch a movie".

the chocolate bar in the fridge was still the first thing i thought of when i woke up this morning. this is going to be difficult. day 2 of 45.

i had a slice of cantaloupe and a hunk of orange watermelon for breakfast. earlier i had a little piece of cheese and a kashi bar. i am not counting the kashi bar as sugar, though i should. okay, its the last one. geez.

tuesday means nacho night for this gal, hence i am going to work out like a mad person so i can have my delicious mamacitas chicken nachos. i could have it every single day of the week. jt is super tired of eating there so i save it for tuesday, when he goes to sams.

i also have to work at the ol starbucks tonight and it is going to be hard for me to not have a "beautiful handcrafted beverage". i went for a long while without partaking and then i went through the "oh, its been a month since i have had a drink! i can have a short nonfat no whip mocha and be done with it". yeah, right. the next day i will get a tall 2% no whip, then a tall 2% with whip, then a grande with whole milk and whip, and before you know it i am back to my tall breve mocha. people, that is pure half and half i am drinking like water. ugh, gross. it helps that most of the people i work with either drink americanos or juice of some version.

at the moment i am waiting to call into the "other job" to see if i have to work this afternoon. being on call at a retail job at least 3 days a week is so so so stupid. if i were the type of person that does things, i would be pissed because you cant plan anything because there is a chance you may have to work. 8 times out of 10, they don't need you.

2 posts in one day!

today is day 1 of my trying to go 45 days without sugar. i figure i have tried to stop eating and drinking junk before and i dont get very far so i am going to try to get through these 45 days and hopefully not feel like i neeeeeed a treat.

i woke up and remembered a fancy chocolate bar i bought last night and only ate 2 squares of. i wanted it like nothing else but i put it in a ziploc and put it into the freezer.
i also recently bought 4 12 packs of soda for some reason and it is very tempting. they were on sale. i have no idea why i bought them. not that we don't drink soda, we just had never really bought 2 liters, cans, or bottles to just have on hand. it would be like a meth user having their own lab, its just not a good thing.
i had some melon and water for breakfast and leftover pizza for lunch. i am not eating particularly well, i will deal with that later. right now i just want to work on my issues with sugar. its an addiction people!

i am not sure what is happening with dinner but it will not involve a fudge cake sundae from sonic.

friendly retail tip #1

here's a tip for you when you are out shopping:

do not, i repeat, do not tear off your receipt. the associate will hand it too you, rest assured. i had this happen to me twice yesterday and it almost blew a gasket. it usually happens this way:

i go ahead and ring things before i take the sensors off. just so you can see the prices on the screen before i go through the trouble of de-sesoring, de-hangering, and folding. there is a high chance of "ugh, this said it was 60% off! i don't want it anymore!". i would rather it happen before i waste 3 steps. if the sign does really make it look like a certain non-sale item is on sale, by all means i will change it. but if people are idiots and just don't know how to read or pay attention, i don't have to. if they are super super nice and feel foolish, i may change it as well. i don't do it often because it will make it look like i am just giving people deals hurvy scurvy and get my ass fired. moving on. so i am finished ringing and i turn around to start the intense process of getting your shit in a bag. i hear the card swipe and i hurry and turn around to accept it on my register because otherwise they keep on swiping and saying "this thang aint workin!" and it ends up canceling and automatically running as credit which some people do not like, even though it is all the same and still gets debited at roughly the same time. until someone tells me otherwise, i am sticking to that story. so, i turn around, accept debit and it is pin number time. half the time people do not push accept. that is not really part of this story, it just bothers me. then while i am still de sensoring and folding, the receipt comes out. most of the time people realize that it is not thier job to grab it. 49% of people know that it would be rude the reach over and take something that is kind of not officially theirs yet from an area that they have no business being in. yesterday it happened twice. the first time i said "hehe, i guess you already have your receipt huh? oh goodness." smile smile smile. the second time i said "well, it looks like somebody does not want their $40 off coupon that has to be stapled on their receipt by an associate to be vaaaaliiiiiid, haha....oh goodness". i am super nice, don't get me wrong.

friendly retail shopping tip #2 is:

think before you do stupid and/or inconsiderate things.

sometimes i have to remind myself that if people didn't do inconsiderate things, i would not have a job. but really, its not true. half the time i don't get the chance to put more product out or clean because i am busy putting back 20 items that someone took and hour to pick out but decided "eh, i don't want them anymore, i am just going to lay 'em right here". but really, it is my job and i feel happy to have it. i just don't like people all that much.

otherwise i am warming up to the ol' second job. i enjoy the discount and plan on enjoying it to buy another summer dress for 20 bucks this afternoon.

starbucks is as great as ever. i can't think of anything particularly exciting about it at the moment.

we went to georgia this passed weekend to see john's games. it was 12 hours of baseball, i kid you not. i really enjoyed the first game. he didn't play the second so i read and ate. by the 4th game i was pretty much checked out, as were the boys on the team. they were exhausted and starving. i can't imagine not wanting to pass out after one game, much less 3. it was really a good time and i am glad we got to see it.

"The weight of evidence for an extraordinary claim must be proportioned to its strangeness."

i would like to share 2 choice quotes from jt

"hey what happened with that great dane on the horse whisperer?"

i screamed "hey its my birthday! i am older than you!" to which he replied:

"you always will be. unless you die before me"

good ones sweety!

long day at work. super long day. i worked at the mall at 9am and i got to see all of the weird mall walkers. they were swarming the place. who thought of this? mall walking? i honestly didn't think that it was really a "thing". it was real and it was weird.

i cant stress enough how easy this job is. i clocked in and vacuumed for a little while, opened some boxes of preservative soaked clothes, snapped sensor things on them, and either put them on the floor to sell or threw them in the back room. i rang up around a dozen transactions and returns, put returns back on the floor, and left at 1. sure, i hate dealing with inconsiderate people but half the time the customers are normal-ish. it freaks me out how strange people are and i wonder if they know that they are either a complete douche or just generally weird. it is few and far between to meet a regular ass person around here. anyway. i left there and came home for about 40 minutes to change and get ready to go to starbucks. it was a never-ending day there and i felt like i was on a 5 second delay pretty much all afternoon/evening. nothing exciting happened, it was uneventful.

now i am home and wishing i could drum up some energy to get on the elliptical for a little while. i cant think of anything worse. i just want to lay around and read and listen to richard dawkins' soothing voice in the background. i am on a richard dawkins kick again and i cant get enough videos, audio books, and i would even go as far as to try to read 'the blind watchmaker' again. i think it was triggered by randomly finding and reading sam harris' 'letter to a christian nation'. i wish i was as well spoken as these gents.

i am soooo looking forward to having tomorrow completely off. maybe i will leave the apartment before 5pm. i doubt it, we'll see.

since i have started the new job i have devoloped a crazy thumb twitch. i am not sure that one has anything to do with the other but i am grouping it so i will have a cause for it. moving on.

work was less weird yesterday. i dont feel like crap asking people so try for an account because they are going to get the % off anyway, a 10$ card, and all of the bonus coupons just for trying so i could care less if someone gets annoyed with me. i annoyed the crap out of a lady yesterday till she tried, got approved so got 15% off, then got another 15% off for being a teacher. i saved the bitch over 100 bucks. one last thing i would like to say about this retail world, everyone is an asshole. a stack of shirts took someone quite a while to set up. then someone comes over and wants one from the bottom. she jerks it out. not lifting the top shirts, flat out jerking it from the bottom. her .5 second move just gave me 30 minutes of work. bitch. same for the person that decides to put stuff back in random places. thank you for the extra hour of hunting around and trying to fix it.

apparently there was a tornado warning this morning? i slept right through it. i was dreaming that gordan ramsey had a collection of strange rare pets. they were half rat half human it looked like. they talked. he treated them like kids, even though one of them was clearly elderly. it was adorable and creepy.

i hate that my day off is rainy and dark. not that i leave the apartment during the day.

summer job 2009

ahhhh, summer is almost here, what does that mean for the owens/burton household? i no longer get to lounge around the apartment, working 18, 20, sometimes 22 hours a week. it is summer job, pick-up-the-slack time for me and i will have to work 40+ hours for a while. curses. i will fall behind on my celebrity gossip, that i know for sure. since i will most likely not get it at the ol' 'bucks, i am now the proud employee, er, "associate....in the mall. i am going to talk some crap about it in the future i am sure so i will leave it at that. for the actual store, text me. again, i am afraid of being "dooced" albeit on a smaller scale. call me paranoid. anyway, i always said i wanted a job where i got to dress up a little and not have to crawl around cleaning drains and floor mats caked with coffee grounds and dairy, now i have that. not in the way i was hoping but who am i to be choosy? my first official day was yesterday. i learned how to ring people up, put on and take off those huge sensor things, fold shirts properly, hang and size pants, open the fitting room for people, and how to really pressure people into applying for an account with the store. seriously, i learned that in most retail stores, they have to ask you and ask you and ask you and cannot stop till you say "no" 3 times. seriously. i am up to asking twice without feeling like a total asshole. to be honest though, this place has some ridiculous deals and will give you percentages off for just about anything. teachers, nurses, emts, etc etc get 15% off, if you have AAA, 15% off, stuff like that. you cant leave without some sort of discount. that is really great i have to say. honestly, i feel like i will be able to live with it without going home crying (see summer job 2008 "target"). plus i am rarely there and get a pretty decent discount. stay tuned for updates on this gem.

i went to kohls earlier, as i need decent clothing for work, and when i checked out the lady pressured me into trying for a kohls account and all i could think was "ugh, this is what i am going to sound like". i finally said "i have never been to kohls and we don't have one where i live etc etc." lies! i lied and still got super annoyed even though i shouldn't have. sheesh. on another note, i got a pretty nice outfit for $12.00. amaaaaazing!

dear land-o-lakes fat free half and half,

i love you so much. when i first heard about you i thought it was the dumbest thing i had ever heard. when i read some reviews about you. some people are bad mouthin the fact you contain corn syrup. when i poured you into my ethiopia sidamo and it turned a beautiful shade of taupey tanish beige, i almost hit the floor. after my first drink i was in love. thank you for existing and coming in 2 convenient sizes. i will be faithful to you as long as i drink coffee, even though you seem a little too good to be true.

yours,

charlie

a little something annoying that happened yesterday....

woman: "excuse me, is there a post office closer than the downtown branch?"

us: "yes, the one one merrimon, around where the mcdonalds is..."

woman: "um.....i don't.....eat......at.......*yeach face* mcdonalds so i have no idea where it is you speak of"

me: "its just.....close to it?" at this second i realize who i am dealing with.

its just on the same street, you don't have to eat a big mac in order to deal with your post office issues. egad, it really pissed me off for some reason. it is the same when i say "hey, have you seen such and such television show?" and people reply, "um, i don't watch television". piss off elitist! i love tv and vanilla milkshakes from mcdonalds!

so, i am sick. i feel like junk and it just happens to be the one week that i have a lot of hours at work. other than that things are okay. i drove to parkway center manually today and that makes me feel pretty good about myself.

a highlight of this week is something of a milestone for me. i fully understand blow drying. when i get my hair cut i am quick to say "cut it in a way that does not require me to use a blow dryer". i get a look that says "you are a grown lady and you don't blow dry your hair? really?". i ignore it and hope that it will be a miracle haircut that will look awesome everyday without using any products, blow drying, or doing anything more than washing and being twisted up in a towel. so since i am not feeling great i showered last night so i could sleep that extra 20 or so minutes. i do this often if i have to work super early. i go to bed with wet hair and it pisses me off all night long. last night i figured it would be worth it to dry it. man-o-man. in the past i have had times where i waved the dryer around for a minute or 2 but not completely. that is the key i guess. completion. holy hell people, not to toot my own horn, my hair looked like a million dollars last night. i stared at it for a minute or 2 and headed to bed with the shiniest, softest, fly-awayless, greatest hair ever. honestly i was looking for a compliment on it on the way to bed but since it was dark i just had to deal with the awesome on my own. it still looks kick ass. the rest of me is zombie-like due to the illness. since i have been tanning i kind of look like a zombie that has been rolling in mud. bigger girls do not tan evenly, i can just tell you that right now.

jt: you know what is awesome?

me: what?

jt: this song (proceeds to play a craptastic piece of classic rock)

me: are you serious?! what is this?!

jt: in a gadda da vida

me: who the hell even sings this?!

jt: iron butterfly!

me: oh my god! who do i live with? ? ?

----------------------------

this really happened just now.

today is the last day of the malibeast. she is moving on the what i hope is a greener pasture. though i don't believe in greener pastures. anyway. the car has basically been living (or dying in this case) to piss off the neihborhood for the past 8 months and a constant source of stress for me. i thought of fixing it a little and selling it but even the bare minimum would be more than i could get out of it. so then i wanted to junk it. it is honestly too good to junk, if somone one was able and willing to put time, work, and money into it. then christoper at work tells me about his car guy. basically i am giving up the malibeast for a better laser. he is going to do the breaks, shocks, tires, muffler issue etc etc on the laser in exchange for the shell of a lady that is the malibeast. i know he can get at least a year or 2 out the ol' gal that i don't have the money to give her. the reason i bring up the car guy is that i feel like he is going to be pretty entertaining. he is getting up there in the years but has the mind of a jack russell terrier. everything is going a million miles a minute and i know he is going to spit out some gems sooner or later. i will keep you posted on it. my favorite of today was "well, i am going to grab a bagel, carnation instant breakfast, a starbucks doubleshot, maybe some more coffee and i will head on over there!" instead of "i need to grab some breakfast first". instead of "i need to look up your address" he said "i am just going to put your address into some site and it will just take me right to the car and i will pick it up. hey, google maps, insane right? i like to look up my childhood home and see all of the new houses going up. i remember a few years ago when the white van with the camera sticking out of the top was driving around this neighborhood. crazy stuff." it went on for much longer but i am hoping you get the point.

let me tell you something about our computer. first, it is jt's computer but i like to say everything in the apartment is "ours", unless it is mine. whats his is mine, whats mine is mine. i would love to say i am joking but i am just this selfish. moving on. the computer power button went kaput some time ago and it requires crawling under the desk and stabbing the insides with a fingernail file. sounds safe doesn't it? this is why i never bothered to learn how to do it. jt is in georgia, i opted to stay home and lay around instead. i am not sure what i was thinking. anyway, last night i was thinking "i can make it through the weekend...as long as the computer stays on." then around 4 am the power blinked, as it often does, and the computer shut down. i could have cried, that is no joke. not only would i be without, i would have to sit in silence. the fan creates a comforting white noise that i love and hate. i couldnt sleep because i then heard the dripping faucet, the heater cracking, and i even heard someone upstairs sneeze. i woke up and flipped the monitor the bird. needless to say i turned the beast on but not after i exhausted all other entertainment in the apartment. my computerless day before i begged for power instructions:

i woke up and got ready to walk at the park with harmony. it was packed with people, which kind of pissed me off. it was less like walking and more like dodging kids with various wheels under them. after 2 miles we called it quits. when i got home i flipped the computer off again and got ready to go downtown for a while. even though i had no business there, i thought it was a good idea. it was actually a dumb idea. it was packed like i have never seen it. people everywhere. not regular people. assholes. i these ladies were crossing the road and almost got ran over by some bitchy teens. they were hanging thier heads out of the window screaming "move your asses!" and honking. the ladies were saying over and over "is that nessesary!?!?" i really saw both sides of the story because i didn't like the whole lot of them. moving on. i went to malprops, thinking i would find a book and maybe hang out and read somewhere. it was asshole city in there! no joke. there are signs everywhere that say "use your cellphone outside" and it love them for it. apparently this girl came to a bookstore not knowing how to read because she was screaming into the phone walking from one end of the store to the other. "WOW! I CANT BELIEVE THAT! WOW! SHE REALLY SAID THAT?! YOU ARE JOKING! YEAH, SHE IS SUCH A BITCH!" and so on and so on. on a funny note, she was talking about how rude everyone around her was. FUNNY. another group of a-holes i encountered was 2 different sets of mother/son duos. one would get right in the middle of a major walkway and stop. the son would play some handheld game thing and the mom would stand beside him looking off in the distance at nothing. meanwhile i am behind them like "really? are you guys really going to camp out here? really?!" i would stand for a few seconds before i said "heeeey.....let me just slide right by ya there guys....yeah....thaaaaanks" the other mother/son duo was kind of the same. they were content to take over a whole aisle of books. wide stance, arms out, bags spread all over, just taking over the whole section. it was impossible to not kick everyone in the face. my least favorite of the bookstore beasts was when a woman took over fiction by parking a huge stroller and sitting beside of it while she breastfed. i have no issues about breastfeeding. please, when i am actually producing food from my body, i am going to whip it out all over the place because that is some amazing stuff but i will make sure that people can get to A-L in the fiction section without seeming like a boob peeper. i must have looked like a dumbass just hanging around waiting for mealtime to be over so i could look for a charlie huston book. i gave up long before burp time. i could not squeeze to her left, between the desk and stroller, or to the right of the lexus of strollers. COME ON! i must have been on bitch mode all day or something. i came home and thats when turned the computer on and watched 2 episodes of angel while stuffing my face with macaroni and cheese from the fresh market that sucks as far and macaroni and cheese goes. i ate it, dont get me wrong. it just sucked. then i took a boredom nap. now i am blogging like a mother fucker.

i really should have gotten my lazy self motivated to go to georgia. i just wanted to lounge around the apartment, seeing as how i was away for almost a week. as soon as jt got a good bit down the road i regretted staying home. its hard to go from being around a group for a bit, then being alone. feel sad for meeeeeeee.

back to my angel marathon. such a good show.

my new favorite thing is looking at "other than america" craigslist apartment listings. places in london look so much better than any apartment i have seen. i also like looking at the "missed connections". harmony introduced me to the tragedy that is the missed connection and i have been scouring them since.

i worked a full 8.5 hour day today. it is such a rare thing anymore. i am tired and i want nothing more than to go to bed. instead i will update this beast, drool over homes i will never live in, and watch buffy the vampire slayer till i pass out.

things jt does not want to cuddle with tonight:

king cobra
shit covered pig
grease covered hog
camel
camel spider
honey badger
barbed wire
worverine
cactus
rabid weasel
adolecent male dog
vampire
werewolf in the midst of the change
gopher
lesser deer mouse
venus fly trap
nurse shark
coconut
lawnmower
gerbil
japanese hornet
african honey bee
AK-47
werepanther
freshly cooked chicken nuggets
dremmel rotary tool
magic carpet ("cause who knows where i'll wake up" he says)

i am guessing anything else is go. i have to add that he was saying all of these things in a gruff southern accent.

ugh, i just watched the trailer for s. Darko. it was possibly the worst piece of crap i have ever seen. not even seeing jasper cullen can save it. it ruined a perfectly fine day.

today is our 2 year anniversary of sorts! we are not sure when the exact day is so we settle around the early 20s. jt cleaned house, folded clothes, and picked up dinner. i just had to come home and take a nap. now we are going to sonic and i am going to ruin my no soda streak. i have lost a total of 14 pounds since october! niiiiiice. i could have lost more and more consistantly if i didnt get discouraged around the holidays. geeeeeeez.

i went to the car, set on driving to work yesterday. we have side street parking and i was hoping that since it was early afternoon, no one would be parked. i was wrong. the person in front of me was about 1.5 inches away from me and there was a truck of some sort behind me. i panicked but i felt like i should give it a try. it was not happening. traumatic. i called work to say i would be late because i could not unpark the car. yeash. i walked super fast, due to the rage i was feeling for not being able to get a car out of a space. geez. i called jt and, as always, got to be the receiving end of a hissy fit. poor guy.

at any rate, happy valentines day! we are not really doing anything because the thought of leaving the apartment and putting myself through a hell i can't imagine is not doing it for me. we went to ingles last night and guys were scrambling to get gifts for their ladies. i told jt that if he ever got me ingles flowers less than 1 hour before valentines day, i would freak out. that is laaaaame. i am not a huge fan of flowers anyway, unless they are super exotic. i am going to spend the day watching buffy and reading.

'cause she's gooooone

maybe i just searched for "down came a blackbird" by lila mccann. maybe it look me more than a few minutes to find the whole thing. i might have listened to it 7 times so far. who knows?

it reminds me of going to illinois for the summer and annetta cranking it at 3 in the morning. it also reminds me of secretly loving it even though i was going through an angsty time when it was on tv constantly. i would say "UUUGGGHHHHH, i HATE country music!!" when really i was thinking "oh man, turn this shit up, i am loving it".

i am still listening to it and if i dont cool it i will be late for work. this is sad, really it is. i was going to walk to work today because i am terrified of driving the ol stick shift but since i was sucked in by thing song i am forced to drive.

i am dreading this full night of work. since all of the hours cutting i am used to going in for 5 hours and moving on. this 8 hours crap is for the birds.

i really have to get ready now. curse you lila mccann!

i did something today that i thought i would never do. it is almost too shocking to type because i am sure that no one expected this to happen.

i "hiked".

no kidding.

i am not sure where walking in the woods ends and hiking begins to be honest but that is what we called it so that is what happened. harmony called and proposed the idea and since i was dying to get out of the apartment, i went. we found a trailish type thing that was most definatly in the woods and it had honest to goodness inclines, nature things, and people passed us that looked like what i would consider people that hike. so yeah, it was hiking. the things we learned were the following:

*you are supposed to wear a bright color maybe? we passed 4-5 people, all of which had on orange.

*your shoes should have tread. i like my shoes like i like my tires, i am too lazy to get new of either. it was a laugh waiting to happen. my falling since i have to traction, not the joke.

*don't wear tight pants. this explains itself. i can't help that i can't find big girl jeans and i am too proud to go to a fat lady store. actually i am guessing hikers don't wear jeans? they wear organic hemp cords maybe, i have no idea.

*take some water, geez. 2 big girls trekking through the wild need hydration. simple as that.

*have a plan beforehand. we just looked for parked cars next to the woods, hoping that it wasn't a man-cave or place to get murdered. anybody remember the man-cave? FUNNY.

i just got home from work and boy, do i have some doozies to tell. my favorite happening of the day was when a young man got ticked at me for explaining what a cappuccino was. i am just going to put it into a play-type format for you guys.

him: i will take aaaaaa.....double chocolatey chip cappuccino.
me: ohhh the double chocolatey drink is a frappuchino, a cold drink. did you want a cappuccino with some mocha in it?
him: did i say anything about mocha?
me: well that is the chocolatey element. makes things chocolatey. taste like chocolate.
him: just give me an irish cream
me: we dont have irish cream
him: does it or does it not say cappuccino up there on that board?
me: irish cream is just a flavor. we dont carry it anymore. irish cream is not synonymous with cappuccino.
him: fine, if i cant get what i want, i just wont have anything.

his girlfrind talks him into getting a mocha, and when harmony calls it as a tall mocha he says "is this a white chocolate mocha?" and i almost hit the floor. now that i am typing it out, you really had to be there to get the greatness of this guy. or work at starbucks. either one.

the other story has to be told is person because it is about a creepy older gentleman mistaking me for a mccain fan and giving me the "eye". yeash.

also, on the way home i saw a guy on a unicycle that he was obviously using it for fitness. i have seen at least 3 guys on unicycles in asheville and it kind of makes me say "oh laaaamee, another 'unique' guy on a unicycle" but since this guy was dressed to exercise, i was impressed. plus i would say that he was pushing 60.

i had a dream about prince last night. it was super weird. everyone was applauding and screaming. after a while everyone calmed down and he started to talk. the first word in i screamed "oh my! i love you prince!" it was embarassing.

watch the video in my last post. at least till the 3 minute mark, that is 'round my favorite part. i am loving anything that has to do with will oldham. if he came out with an album full of fart sounds, i would listen to it.

Scout Niblett & Will Oldham - "Kiss" - Earlier Directors Cut from judesays on Vimeo.

work was slow, work was boring. came home and took a nap. the nap turned into going to bed until 3 in the afternoon. i had a dream that i was there when the first pregnant man gave birth. it was insaaaaaane. i think it is because i am watching a lot of buffy the vampire slayer and i am reading the sookie stackhouse series....involving vampires. not that a man giving birth has anything at all to do with vampires. i am just saying my dreams are super gruesome lately. again, not that a man giving birth is gruesome, giving birth is generally a bloody thing i would guess. this is getting out of hand. sorry. yuck. yeash.

for the past, however long we have had the elliptical, i pretty much workout everyday and i am starting to notice a slight weight loss. this weight loss it pretty much the the upper part of my body. it just just making me look even more pear-ish and weeble wobble-like than i can really deal with. plus the only great thing about gaining weight was that i could finally fill out a bra that was not meant for middle schoolers. i am still going to keep working out regularly and cut out the food that is worth eating. its sad that i know exactly how bad the food i eat is but i still have the teenage imortality complex. plus i had reignited my love of herbal dr enuf just in time to cut it out of my life again. ugh.

back to watching buffy.

oh my my my. i just had 2 rainbow party chip cupcakes. i am still going to call them funfetti if that is okay. it was worth the wait and everything i thought it was going to be. i thought that i was going to start "eatin' good" today but it has not worked out that way. i can't drink mochas or milky sweet drinks at work anymore because they have stopped tasting like anything at all so i had 2 black coffees and a chocolate croissant for breakfast, then i had a really awful chicken tender tv dinner when i got home. for dinner i wanted to have grilled chicken, baked sweet potato, and brocolli but it ended up being almost fried chicken, buttery delicious mashed potatoes, and still the brocolli. it would be okay if our portions were a little more human. i made mashed potatoes instead because jt's parents got me a mixer for christmas and i like to mix things. i also mixed the cupcakes with it! HUZZAH! it was a good night for me. i can't express the happiness that the funfetti brought to me. i have been super down lately and tonight, things are looking up. plus we rented hamlet 2 and i am pretty sure it is one of the funniest movies i have seen in a while. actually, i have seen a lot of funny movies as of late. i also rented junebug because will oldham is in it. i am pretty sure he is my favorite musical wonderment at the moment.

i would give today a 10 oout of 10.

geez. it's cold. the first dozen customers felt the need to remind us of the temperature...."can ya believe it!?!? 4 degreeeees?!?! thats ccrrrrrrazy!" and so on and so on. throughout the day people gave unprompted weather updates that made me want to pour hot milk on my head. cold enough for ya? yes, yes it is. thanks for asking. where is my rainbow chip cupcake?

we also had only one working bar this morning so i was pretty stressed. it should not be as stressful as it sounds but it really made me want to cry at some points. basically because no one could really help me because what could they do? i only had one station opened so they could only mark cups for me and watch helplessly as i struggled. i laugh now because it is a really stupid thing to get worked up about but when everyone was just looking at me and saying "what the hell is taking so long?" and then they would look at the people around me as if to say "geez guys, help this gal out, my am thirsty!". mind you they said this with their eyes.....in my head.

then the best thing ever happened. i was dreading the walk home because it is colder than my emotions can handle at this point. i looked up and jt was there! to pick me up! he drove from work! when it was time for me to leave! so i didnt have to walk home! it was the greatest thing ever. now i am here. at the apartment. listening to some will oldham. its a good time.

apparently it is not funfetti. it is "rainbow chip". well well well, fancy stuff. soon enough i will have a rainbow chip cake with rainbow chip icing. soooooon.

oh boy "by your side" by sade just came on my pandora. geeeeez. that is a great song, i don't care who you are.

i really want some funfetti cake with funfetti icing. i pretty much can't stop thinking about it. i would like said cake in "cup" form and a cup of coffee on the side. yeash.

i am taking baby steps to get rid of some of my stuff. i got rid of all of my sharpies. i bagged them up and dropped them off at work. its a small thing but it is preparing me to go further. i have a pile of clothes i want to get rid of but i feel guilty for throwing them out but too lazy to find a place to drop them off for donation. just saying that motivates me to donate instead of throwing them in the trash.





off to clean some more.

eaaauuucchhh! my car is going to be the death of me! it will either mock me to death by just sitting there or the apartment manager or landlady here is going to stress me out about it so much to the point of me dying of a panic axiety freak out. i am betting on the panic anxiety freak out. number one, she does not run anymore and there is a number of things keeling it from doing so. number two, i can no longer move it from parking spot to parking spot, thus tricking people into thinking it works and comes and goes normally. it just takes up a premium parking spot and i am guessing it finally pissed the wrong people off. i got a note this morning basically saying that it needs to move or action will be taken. is this legal? i am not sure. would someone go through the trouble to actually have it towed? who pays for this act? i am it will be me. yeash. jt is calling the landlady to hopefullly give me a couple of weeks to get the beast sold, that was the plan anyway. it needed to be done a long time ago but i was fooling myself into thinking it would be great for just one more year. riiiiiigggghhhht. moving on.

i am not knitting a lot lately, i am just at a point where i am tired of knitting dishtowels and various square things but i am not confident enough to tackle anything too complicated. i can use double pointed needles and circular needles but i suck at reading patterns. i am hoping it will not get the better of me and i will pick it back up soon but i am not forcing myself. speaking of forcing myself, i have been working out everyday but since i have no been eating well, i am not seeing any results. it is better than nothing but i really need to work on what i am eating. so thats what is going on there.

another song i can listen to aaallllll day

i am glad he has a dozen or more albums out. it will keep me from feeling like all music is geared toward either 15 year olds or assholes.

i knitted an arm warmer today. after finishing it i thought to myself "will i even wear these?" arm warmers are mighty 'look at me i am cool and wearing just the sleeves of a sweater and that makes me so painfully awesome'. adding to that the fact that i made them myself it would be even more pretentious. so i repeat: i made a single arm warmer today. i am not an arm warmer type of gal anymore. i am an unassuming pair of mittens that say "hey, i hands are cold". actually i am just a hands in the pockets type od person. why waste the effort?

my cookbook came in the mail today. i am pretty over the moon about it.