dear land-o-lakes fat free half and half,

i love you so much. when i first heard about you i thought it was the dumbest thing i had ever heard. when i read some reviews about you. some people are bad mouthin the fact you contain corn syrup. when i poured you into my ethiopia sidamo and it turned a beautiful shade of taupey tanish beige, i almost hit the floor. after my first drink i was in love. thank you for existing and coming in 2 convenient sizes. i will be faithful to you as long as i drink coffee, even though you seem a little too good to be true.

yours,

charlie