oh my

operation "eating' good" has taken a terrible turn. last night at the target i found a scale in our computer training room. why the scale is there i have no idea. anyway, i weighed myself. it was the worst idea ever. but in my mind i was thinking "oh, the reason the scale is back here is because someone returned it because it obviously doesn't work". i convinced myself that it was massively off and started working. i also thought it was wrong because i really feel a lot better and not as heavy and gross. i even feel like i have lost a pound or 3. ANYWAY. i work and work and work then i went on my first break. a very young man was also on his break so i asked him to kindly weigh himself to see how much the scale was off. he did and said "yeah, i think it is off by at least 2 pounds!". i was looking for something more along the lines of 30 pounds off. i threw a little fit internally but externally i said "oh...thanks?". last time i weighed myself was when i lived in bristol so it was not that long ago. between then and now i have gained over 25 pounds! so when i weighed myself i was hoping to see a few pounds less than what i weighed the last time i got on a scale but what i got was 25 pounds more than that! seriously! i felt like i gained all of that in 2 seconds because my mind could not wrap around it. so, that sucks really really bad but i am still keeping up with not eating crap food and lots of it. i do feel like i am making progress and though it really sucks that i have to think about these extra pounds i am not going back to my old ways. even if i didn't see any progress, i don't think i could start eating the way i did again. i always felt terrible and lethargic. not that i am a vision of energy but i am getting there.

lets talk about other stuff. i am off both starbucks and target today. what sucks is that i have to work both tomorrow. from 6a something to 11p something i will be working it up. exciting. since i have today off we are going to try to get out of the apartment for a while. most of the time now that i am working a lot all i want to do is come home and rest when i am not at work. i used to want to spend every waking moment out of this apartment. days off are a different story. i feel like i am wasting time if i just stay in.