here is what is, here is what is

i am in such a bad mood right now, i cant even express it. even the ultra mega soothing daniel lanois background music isn't making me cool it down. you know those bad moods that hit you and you know that you are visibly frowning and making an ugly face? its like that. i dreamed i was at work all night. even when i woke up and went back to sleep, i dreamed of work. not even weird surreal work, just real actual work work. as in a woman was asking me what i would suggest to drink and we went over the menu together like i normally would. the only weird part was pouring coffee beans over a bowl full of biscuits. maybe because yesterday was the longest work day i have had since i have been back. i volunteered to close at the biltmore village store after working at the regular store. the air conditioning was broken at the biltmore store and it was the slowest store i have ever worked in. ever. i would say i made about 20 drinks the whole night. not a lot.

a great part of yesterday was getting to see nathaniel, jenn, and colin! when they came in a swooned a little bit. i think with this move i appreciate people so much more. i miss people more, i want to stay in contact with people, keep people in my life. i am trying. i am not great at it but i am trying. i wanted to give nathaniel and jenn a wedding gift because i am not going to be able to go to their wedding. we went to the new willaims sonoma and i could not have picked a worse place to get something for them. i am not sure what i thought i was going to be able to find there. i need to get something more meaningful for them but i went ahead and got them a special peanut butter and jelly spatula. it was great to see them. after they left i was honestly a shell of a worker. i was not present at all. i think it was because i felt guilty for not working as hard as i should have while they were there. i was just holding things and looking busy when i was really just talking to them. i talked to peter and apologized for my sub-par performance and i guess that was a little weird to do.

i watched the most disturbing movie this morning. "funny games". i am going to talk more about it later but right now we are going to get something to eat.